I Have Been Coached…

So, the day has come. I have been coached. I’ve worked at WalMart since 2004 and managed not to piss off the coaching staff, but alas the time has come. I must admit, I did make a boo-boo, however a boo-boo that TWO Assistant Managers were called in on, could have easily rectified, but did not. Unfortunately it was I who bore the brunt of the error and received the dreaded written coaching.

It had been my understanding that a coaching was supposed to to take place within the first 24 hours of the infraction. But mine took place well over a month later. I’ve been told by concerned and sympathetic associates that I should take my case to the district manager. I’m reluctant to do this because I’m smart  enough to know if WalMart’s management gets pissed they’ll find any way imaginable to make your life hell and force you to quit. Rather than making any waves I chose to take my punishment and keep my mouth shut. What a good little associate I am.

So, now I sit (or stand, for we are never allowed to sit unless we are on break or on the toilet) waiting for the other shoe to drop. Praying I won’t make any mistakes, clock in late, clock out early, get sick for more that a day, or any one of numerous reasons to turn my written coaching into a “D” day whereupon I will be sent home to write my letter pleading to keep my job. I need this job. I can’t quit. But it’s difficult to work when I’m in constant fear of doing something that would warrant a coaching and thus lose my job. And why, might you ask, did I go right to a written coaching? I didn’t. I actually received a verbal coaching this past December. And what was my infraction? I had the nerve to go 20 minutes over my scheduled hours…not overtime mind you…not more than 40 hours…just simply 20 minutes over my scheduled 30 hours.

The Unused PS3

A man came in to return a PS3 game system the other day. I asked him the standard question, “Is there anything wrong with it?” He looked so upset and dissapointed I was sure the answer would be yes. But he told me he and his wife had bought it for their son, but he passed away. He said they’d set it up in the living room, but couldn’t bear to look at it and neither of them would attempt to play it. I was floored. His reply was so unexpected I didn’t know what to say.

I wondered what had happened to his son. Was he in a car accident? Did he commit suicide? Did he die of a terminal illness and this was their way of easing his final days? I wanted to say something comforting. When I recovered from my surprise, I said the usual things. “I’m so sorry”. “How awful for you”. But his face told me there would never, ever be the right words to erase his pain. I started to feel myself tearing up so I turned my head and forced myself to get a grip, but I know he saw me. All I could think was that I have three kids and I would never want to be the one returning an used PS3.

WalMart’s Three Step Program

Just about everyone’s heard of twelve step programs. The Twelve Step Program is a set of guiding principles for recovery from addictive, compulsive or other behaviorial problems and was originally designed by the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. I have no opinion one way or the other on whether it works or not. But it leads me to the “three step program”, aka “coaching” that WalMart Corp. imposes on it’s wayward associates. Allow me to explain.

First, a little disclaimer. I’m just putting this process out there. What anyone else makes of it is entirely their opinion. I will not venture to either advocate this process nor condemn it because I don’t want anyone coming after me for disclosing any deep, dark insider secrets. But anyone who works at WalMart or has a friend/relative working for WalMart might already be privy to the process.

As I said, WalMart calls this “coaching”. Sounds sort of fun, doesn’t it? Go team, go! Go out there and win one for Sam! But, no, contrary to the supportive, encouraging term, it’s more of a punishment than anything else. Let’s say an “Associate” calls in repeatedly (repeatedly is basically anything over 3 days, not excessive some may say) or an associate goes over their “scheduled” hours (not overtime, or over 40 hours, but over their own individual hours for the week) or basically anything contrary to WalMart’s particular set of rules/regulations/policies/blah, blah  (which these seem to be arbitrary and at the discretion of each individual Assistant Manager). The first step of coaching is what they call a “verbal coaching”. You’re called into the office and advised of your infraction and you get a talking to. Not too bad I suppose. Now, if after that verbal coaching you are naughty again, you then receive what’s affectionately known as a “written coaching”. Once again you’re brought into the office, advised of your naughtiness and how it adversely affects the company and you are given a paper to sign. Then, if you are still an insolent and naughty child (oops, I mean adult) you receive what’s called a “D” day. I’m not sure what the “D” stands for. Dummy, Dope, Doo-Doo Head. Anyway, you are sent home (with pay) to write a letter explaining what you did, why it was wrong and why you should be allowed to keep your job. Once the I-Am-A-Doo-Doo-Head letter is written, you are allowed to return to work and a committee (maybe just the Assistant Manager, I don’t know) decides whether or not you’re sincere enough to maintain your job. I think your Mom might have to sign it, but I’m not sure. The final step, of course, is instant termination, where upon you are escorted out of the store flanked between two members of management. Just a tad humiliating.

So, basically WalMart has adopted the three-strikes-and-you’re-out philosophy (four if you count the personal escort service). I’m not saying poor work performance should go unchallenged. But, this process often creates an environment of fear among associates. Making a mistake, going over one’s hours, calling in sick, can all be behaviors warranting coaching. And the fact that many Managers seem to have their own ideas on what requires coaching leaves associates worried when rotation time rolls around (when Assistant Managers change department assignments). Some hold their breath and hope they don’t get so-and-so overseeing their department. But, such is life. We all need jobs in order to pay the bills. Perhaps WalMart’s associate policies aren’t far off from what other employers impose upon employees. I just had the need to disclose this important information, but in the meantime I’ll say, “Go team, go!”

Praying In Church And Other Bizarre And Evil Behaviors.

I was watching a show on A&E the other night. It’s a show I usually enjoy watching called A Haunting or something similar (the exact name escapes me). Each episode features a “haunting” involving a family plagued by unknown spirits. Some spirits are benign and friendly and some are evil and threatening. It’s usually interesting and somewhat educational and I’ve always found it to be open-minded and informational. But, this particular episode surrounded a single mother and her son who were being visited by evil, demonic forces and the devastating ways their lives had been affected. The ensuing story was ridiculous and laughable.

The story was told in flashbacks because it had supposedly occurred in the 1960’s. According to the re-enactment, the woman had “always” been interested and somewhat obsessed with the Occult, Wicca and Witchcraft, much to the dismay of her husband at the time (apparently her interest in the occult had precipitated their eventual divorce). She read “Witchy” books and (gasp) set up an Altar. Her son was mortified with her evil behavior and eventually the two had become estranged. Suddenly, evil beings began visiting this poor, misguided heathen and her life became out of control. By this time her son had left for college and was quite relieved to be free of his devil-worshipping mother. In fact, during a rare visit he was forced to take down a picture of the devil his mother had hung over his bed. His mother was now dressing in all black and even wore a pentagram necklace. What was a good Christian son to do? And so on the story went in the same idiotic way. Eventually, the woman saw the error of her ways. Mother and son blessed the house, said a few prayers and all was well with the world again.

The whole story left me shaking my head and wondering if it had been written by Jerry Falwell. Had I stumbled upon an episode of the 700 Club by mistake? The entire episode was ridiculous. Wicca is a real and recognized religion. There are millions of practicing Wiccans all over the world. There is absolutely no devil worship involved. Wiccans don’t even believe in heaven, hell or the devil. The devil is a Christian myth and nothing more.

Now, I ask you this: Is there a difference between setting up an Altar in one’s home to meditate and going to a building, kneeling, placing hands together, looking skyward and saying prayers? Why isn’t sitting, standing and kneeling several times in one hour considered odd behavior? How about kneeling at a church altar and lighting candles to pray for guidance and healing? What about partaking in wine (juice) and wafers as a way to show reverence to a deity? No one shakes their head and questions these behaviors. No one thinks there are evil consequences to prayer and candle lighting ceremonies. There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of these things. Prayers are answered. “Miracles” do happen.

There is no difference between Wicca and Christianity except that they are different ways to obtain the same results. Misinformed television shows and movies only serve to perpetuate the ignorance and intolerance of the Wiccan religion. I know stories like these sell tickets and commercialized products, but come on people, enough with the “you’ll go to hell if you practice Wicca and Witchcraft”. Freedom and tolerance of religion means freedom and tolerance of ALL religions. Stop giving Wicca a bad rap. 

Please Don’t Shit On Me Because I Work At WalMart

What makes some people think it’s okay to treat customer service workers with little or no respect? I work at the customer service desk at my local WalMart. I have to say, however, that for the most part people are pleasant and polite. But every so often you get an abusive and rude customer who thinks it’s okay to treat you like shit. I had just such an experience this past weekend.

It’s WalMart’s policy to issue a store credit to customers returning merchandise without a receipt. It is also their policy to refund the most current price of an item when a customer doesn’t have a receipt. This, to me, makes perfect sense. Without a receipt, there’s no way to verify the amount the customer actually paid for the item. We have no way of knowing if the item was purchased at a sale price or not.  We have no way of knowing when the item was even purchased.

So, having said all this, a woman came to the customer service desk this past Sunday to return two pairs of jeans. She claimed they were Christmas presents and she didn’t have the receipt. Fine. No problem. That is until they rang up lower than the original price. She became indignant and insisted she receive the price that was on the tag. I attempted to explain that, without a receipt, we could not be sure if the jeans had been on sale at the time of purchase and it was WalMart’s policy to refund the current price. Well, she told me that if she wasn’t refunded the price on the tag she’d get , “all pyscho bitch” on me. Uh-oh. I had a fruitcake on my hands. And a violent fruitcake. I had no idea what her definition of “psycho bitch” was but I knew for damn sure I wasn’t getting  paid enough to find out. I immediately suggested she speak to a manager and promptly called one over. He explained the same WalMart policy and she grabbed the offending jeans and said she intended to write to the local newspaper to report the unfair policy WalMart had inflicted upon her. Yeah right nutcase. The paper’s really gonna report that. I highly doubted she knew how to read and/or write but whatever. As long as she got out of my face.

She leaned over the counter and said to me, “gimme a bag, bitch”. The manager said “excuse me?!” and she just stared at the both of us. Real classy chick. She didn’t look too bright. In fact, she looked like a low-class, ignorant, dirtbag so I wasn’t too offended by the remark when considering where it came from. My Mom has a saying, “take it from where it comes”. In this case I wasn’t about to get upset by a comment made by an ignorant moron so I put her stupid jeans (that were probably too small for her and that was the reason for the return) and handed them to her. The other customers looked amused, shocked and disgusted by the display.

So, what makes someone think it’s okay to call people they don’t even know a foul name? Did she know me personally? Was I a bitch simply because I was following WalMart’s policy? All I know is she’s damn lucky I wasn’t a waitress and she was an abusive customer or she’d be getting my special sauce. How would I have reacted if this scenerio had played out in the streets? Probably quite differently. Would I have gotten my ass kicked? Maybe, maybe not, but I know for damn sure I wouldn’t have let her get away with calling me a bitch.                                                          

My Purse Makes Me Sick

We carry them around filled with important stuff. Big ones, small ones, over the shoulder and perched on our arms. All the essentials are “neatly” packed inside. My favorite is Vera. I love my Vera because it was a birthday gift from my wonderful daughter. Vera never gets placed anywhere but in my lap when I’m not carrying her around. She never gets carelessly tossed or put down on the floor. When I went to rainy football games, Vera was the one who was covered with my raincoat and umbrella, even when it meant I would end up getting wet instead. But, there are times when Vera stays home. I refuse to take her to work and shove her inside a crowded, smelly locker that I’m forced to share with some unknown co-worker. In that case, I opt for one of my other, cheaper purses. That’s when my purse can end up making me sick.

When we go into public restrooms, many times there are no hooks in the stalls to hang our purses. So, aside from balancing your purse on your lap while hovering over the toilet seat (for fear of catching something) we end up placing our purse on the floor beside us. As disgusting as it sounds, fecal matter does exist on public restroom floors, so it stands to reason you’re transferring this bacteria-infested poop onto the bottom of your purse. Ewww. Viruses that cause the common cold, diarrhea and other contagious germs are rampant in any public area. Even when you eat in a restaurant or fast food place you better think twice before placing your purse on the table. Germs, bacteria and viruses thrive there as well.

So, you’re out for a day of shopping and you need your purse so what do you do? Stuff everything in your pockets instead? Cover your purse in plastic? Carry it and expect that as long as you don’t chew on your purse you’re safe? Unfortunately, we touch our purses often and, chances are you’ll also end up touching your face at some point. The best defense is the same as avoiding any other virus, bacteria or germ. Wash your hands often. Use antibacterial soap or lotion. If your purse is washable then wash it on a regular basis. If it’s leather or suede use a good, safe cleaner. As long as it’s safe for the purse, spray it with an anti-bacterial spray. We spend alot of money on our purses and we love to show them off. But don’t let them be the cause of your next cold or stomach bug.

My Words And Thoughts Are My Own And I Refuse To Censor Them.

I write about a variety of subjects. My posts center around many aspects of my life, observations and issues that effect me both directly and indirectly. Some of my posts address issues in my own life and I’m aware of the fact that what I write may be offensive or upsetting to people, whether they know me personally or not. So, in that case, what should I do? Avoid a post because someone might think it’s written about them?  I look at my blog as an online diary. While some of my words might be considered personal, sending my words out into cyberspace isn’t exactly confidential. I still consider it part of me and my thoughts and ideas. If others are interested in what I have to say, fine. If not, that’s fine too.

One of my recent posts seems to have caught the attention of someone I know personally. I honestly wasn’t speaking specifically of anyone in particular. This person obviously saw himself in my post. I could make the argument that it was a post written generally speaking, but why should I? My words and thoughts belong to me. At first I was taken back and immediately had the urge to apologize. But then I became somewhat annoyed. How self-centered it is to assume a post is specially written about someone. How dare someone put me in the position of having to explain and defend myself?

I’ve decided that if my more personal posts are taken to heart, then fine. So be it. I can’t change or control the thoughts of others. I’ve also decided that I’ll continue writing about my life and those who are in it for better or worse. Afterall, I did write several pretty scathing posts about a looney bird I had the misfortune to nanny for recently. If she regularly surfs the internet and happens to be trolling for other unsuspecting, potential nannies she might very well stumble upon my post about her. I would actually welcome the opportunity to allow her to see herself through my eyes. My words are my own and I’ll continue to put them out on the world-wide-web.

Hop Up On The New Year’s Resolution Wagon And Try Not To Fall Off.

We do it every year. When January 1st rolls around we start making new year’s resolutions. I would have thought out of the ten most common resolutions, getting in shape would be number one. Afterall, nutrition experts say we put on an extra 15 or so pounds over the Christmas holidays. In fact, according to a recent national survey, 66% of Americans are considered overweight or obese. But despite these facts and figures fighting the battle of the bulge isn’t the number one resolution. The top new year’s resolution is spending more time with family. And in the number ten slot is getting organized.

In between numbers one and ten are:

2. Getting fit and beginning an exercise regimen.

3. Dieting and losing weight

4.  Quit smoking

5.  Enjoy life more

6.  Stop drinking

7.  Get out of debt

8.  Learning something new (new language, new skill, etc.)

9.  Volunteer to help others.

Most of us make resolutions and resolve to keep them throughout the new year, but let’s face it, few of us do it. It’s easy to fall off the old resolution wagon. But there are more realistic ways to make and stick to resolutions. Instead of saying, “I want to lose weight” say, “I want to lose 5 pounds a month” and then go out and buy a bathing suit a size smaller than your current size. Working toward the goal of wearing it will give you the motivation you need to continue.

You can find a buddy or family member to team up with. Someone who has the same or similar goal can be encouraging and supportive and you can return the favor. Once you’ve made the resolution, take some sort of immediate action. Throw away your cigarettes. Go out and join a gym or buy a piece of exercise equipment. Buy an attractive journal and fancy pen to keep notes on your progress. Making an investment can be a great motivator. If your goal is spending more time with family then schedule a weekly game night. Take a trip to the store and have each family member pick out a board or card game. And lastly, don’t make too many resolutions. Generally between one and three resolutions is realistic and won’t become daunting and overwhelming.   

I Don’t Want To Die In My Sleep Until I’m Really, Really Old.

“Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the lord my soul to take”

I’m sorry, but does anyone else think this is a little scary for a kid to have to say at bedtime, just before drifting off to sleep? Worrying about falling into an eternal slumber is the last thing a small child should have to think about at night. I can understand the message. Just in case you die in your sleep you want to be sure the “lord” takes you instead of being taken by some evil demon.

I used to lay on my bed, completely still and hold my breath. I wanted to see what it would be like to be dead. Maybe this is kind of macabre for a child to do, what can I say, I was a weird kid. Sometimes I’d lay with my eyes open. Sometimes I’d lay with my eyes closed. I’d hold my breath as long as I could, while wondering what life would be like for my family if I were gone. It’s one thing to pretend. It’s another to put the idea in a child’s mind that she might actually die in her sleep.

I remember the first time I became aware of my own mortality. I had a friend who lived down the street from my Grandmother. One day my Mom got a phone call and she told me my friend died. She had drown while away on vacation with another neighborhood family. Suddenly it hit me. I was about eight or nine and I realized that that could have been me. I could have drown and everyone could be talking and crying about me. Laying on my bed, holding my breath and pretending to be dead wasn’t so much fun anymore. I saw how my friend’s death tore up her Mom. I didn’t want my Mom and Dad to go through all that pain. I also didn’t want to be dead.

So, instead of the traditional version of “Now I lay me down to sleep, etc” I’d like to propose a newer, gentler version of this scary prayer:

“Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the lord my soul to keep. If I should cry before I wake, my Mom will bring me chocolate cake”

Don’t Make Me Wear That Santa Hat!

I work for a major, world-wide retailer. I won’t mention any names, but it begins with a ‘W’. Now that the Christmas holidays are once again upon us I have to make a rather important decision. To wear a Santa hat or not to wear it. Why would I possibly want to make a moronic spectacle of myself and wear a dopey red hat with a pom-pom? The answer is I wouldn’t. However, it has become a “requirement” that all cashiers wear a Santa hat for the holidays. I suppose it’s meant to get customers in the Christmas spirit, thus fooling them into spending more money. But that’s just my theory.

First off, I’m not a Christian. Why would I want to wear anything that represents a Christian holiday? Does anyone expect cashiers to wear Yarmulkes during Passover? Has Christmas become so commercialized that the only symbol left is a stupid red fuzzy pair of pajamas with matching hat?

Last year I refused to wear the hat, even after being told by a manager it was “mandatory”. I told her I don’t celebrate the traditional Christmas holidays and she left me alone. Darn it, and I had a whole speech ready to recite. But, they actually sent some cashiers home for refusing to wear them. One girl was a Jehovah’s Witness. I’m pretty sure that’s coming pretty darn close to infringing on one’s right to express one’s own religious beliefs.

So, I must stick to my beliefs. I will once again refuse to wear the dreaded Santa hat. I’ll use my speech if I have to, which is basically that I don’t appreciate having my religious beliefs trampled on and I suggest that it end right there. Perhaps they’ll fire me and I can sue, make lots of money, write a book, Oprah will add me to her book list and then invite me on her show to discuss the Santa hat story.