Roommate Poll…Please Comment!

So, my kids are grown and off to college and I’m alone with the two dogs and the cat. My house is fairly large (4 bedrooms) and I’ve actually been considering looking for a roommate. Good idea? Bad idea? I can’t decide.

My mom and dad live across the road from a very nice lady who breeds and sells Chihuahuas. She was living alone and decided to advertise for a roommate. She settled on a seemingly normal, nice lady and they began their adventure in roommateville. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, it became painfully obvious the roommate had mental issues and my parent’s neighbor was forced to ask her roommate to vacate the premises ASAP. She did so willingly and without incident until the homeowner returned home one night after work to a flame-engulfed house. Apparently the roommate took her anger out on the homeowner by setting her house on fire (fortunately, after opening the doors to let out her prized Chihuahuas). She was arrested and now sits in jail.

So you see my dilemma. In a perfect and normal world, a roommate could become a friend, someone to share expenses and chores and the answer to an empty house. But, in the real world a roommate can be a psycho arsonist who blasts music, does drugs, drinks heavily and parties all night and basically becomes a nightmare in my quiet little world. I’d love to get some feedback here. If anyone has opinions or stories (pros and cons) on the subject of roommates I would love to hear it. Comments would be greatly appreciated!

**reprinted from my other blog at http://mylovesleftovers.com/

My Words And Thoughts Are My Own And I Refuse To Censor Them.

I write about a variety of subjects. My posts center around many aspects of my life, observations and issues that effect me both directly and indirectly. Some of my posts address issues in my own life and I’m aware of the fact that what I write may be offensive or upsetting to people, whether they know me personally or not. So, in that case, what should I do? Avoid a post because someone might think it’s written about them?  I look at my blog as an online diary. While some of my words might be considered personal, sending my words out into cyberspace isn’t exactly confidential. I still consider it part of me and my thoughts and ideas. If others are interested in what I have to say, fine. If not, that’s fine too.

One of my recent posts seems to have caught the attention of someone I know personally. I honestly wasn’t speaking specifically of anyone in particular. This person obviously saw himself in my post. I could make the argument that it was a post written generally speaking, but why should I? My words and thoughts belong to me. At first I was taken back and immediately had the urge to apologize. But then I became somewhat annoyed. How self-centered it is to assume a post is specially written about someone. How dare someone put me in the position of having to explain and defend myself?

I’ve decided that if my more personal posts are taken to heart, then fine. So be it. I can’t change or control the thoughts of others. I’ve also decided that I’ll continue writing about my life and those who are in it for better or worse. Afterall, I did write several pretty scathing posts about a looney bird I had the misfortune to nanny for recently. If she regularly surfs the internet and happens to be trolling for other unsuspecting, potential nannies she might very well stumble upon my post about her. I would actually welcome the opportunity to allow her to see herself through my eyes. My words are my own and I’ll continue to put them out on the world-wide-web.

10 Hypotheticals and What-If’s…

I’VE POSTED THESE HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS TO MORAL DILEMAS TO PONDER AND CONSIDER: 

1. You’ve scratched someone’s car in the parking lot. Would you leave a note on the windshield or would you drive hastily away and hope no one saw you?

2. You’ve witnessed a co-worker stealing goods or money. Would you report the theft to a superior, speak privately to the co-worker or ignore it?

3. You’ve received too much change back from a cashier. Would you pocket the money and not say anything or would you bring it to the cashier’s attention?

4. You’re walking on the street and someone in front of you drops $20. Would you pick up the money and keep it or would you catch up to the person and return the money?

5. You abhor racism and prejudice. A friend or co-worker uses the ‘n’ word during a conversation with you. Do you tell him you’re offended by his racist comment or do you ignore it to avoid hard feelings?

6. You are friends with a couple. You’ve found out one spouse is cheating on the other spouse. Do you feel this is a private matter and keep quiet, do you approach the injured spouse and tell them about the infidelty, or tell the cheating spouse that the behavior is wrong and shouldn’t continue?

7. You’re friends with 2 mutual friends who are feuding. One friend insists on bad mouthing the other friend. Do you go along with and contribute to the gossip or do you tell them each to leave you out of their feud?

8. You’re in a foreign country and are invited to eat at the house of an acquaintance. The family is serving goat’s brain, which you’ve never had before and just the thought of eating it makes you sick. Do you decline your host’s hospitality and take a chance on insulting the family or do you eat the goats brain anyway and hope you can keep it down?

9. You’re browsing on an online dating service. You see the profile of a married friend. Do you let the friend know you’ve seen the profile and advise that it’s inappropriate, tell the friends spouse, or ignore it and mind your own business?

10. You’re driving in your neighborhood and hit a dog. Do you try to locate the owner of the dog and tell them what happened or do you drive away and leave the dog injured and laying there?

Size Really Does Matter.

I’m fairly short by today’s standards. At 5′ 2, aside from my mom, I’m the shortest member of my immediate family. I really don’t mind. Being petite can have its perks I suppose. Nice clothing selection. Cute little shoes. All the shallow and superficial reasons so common in today’s society. But there is something about being a short woman that really bugs me. Being short, female and single makes me a prime target for every short, single guy on the dating market.

Why do short guys naturally assume if a woman is short she’ll automatically be interested in him? Personally, I prefer a guy who’s taller than I am. I like the freedom of being able to wear a nice pair of spiky heels if I so desire. I hate having to confine my footwear to flip-flops and sneakers. Having my pants drag all over the floor because I can’t wear high-heels is a tad irritating. And, let’s face it. Who among us doesn’t do a double take and a head scratch when they see a tall woman out on the town with a short man?

I know a few short guys and they’re very nice, respectable gentlemen. They’re just too short for my taste. But when I try to let them down easy, making no reference to their height, they often still don’t get it. I really just want to say, “You’re too short for me”, but I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I’m not saying I constantly fight off hoards of little guys because this isn’t the case. But I do have to say I’m approached more often by guys under 5’7 than any other group of men. I’m sure it must be difficult for short men to meet women who are either shorter than they are or who just don’t mind dating a shorter guy. I’m sorry about that, I really am, but please don’t think we’re a match simply because we’re the same height.

You’re Missing The Point Here, Dr. Phil

Okay. I admit it. I sometimes watch Dr. Phil in the afternoon. Well, I put it on and go about my chores, but my ears perk up when Dr. Phil has an interesting episode. There are times I agree with the good doctor’s assessments and evaluations of the guest’s relationships. But ”Man Camp” is getting on my nerves. I know it’s called “Man Camp” and not “Woman Camp” , but I honestly don’t think it’s fair for Dr. Phil to blame all of the dysfunctional relationships solely on the husband. In fact, I think Dr. Phil is neglecting a commonly shared problem with many of the women he has on his show. The women “trapped” as long-suffering wives continue to remain in these relationships for a reason.

I might not be a psychologist, therapist or psychiatrist, but I know there’s always a reason why two people get together and stay together.  And, I’m talking about any type of relationship, platonic or otherwise. Both parties are always getting something out of the relationship that they need. Otherwise they wouldn’t remain tied to the other person. Many people grow up in chaotic environments, so this is the environment they feel most comfortable in. They recreate the scenerio over and over again in adulthood. Some people enjoy playing the victim and seek sympathy. Parents who throw up their hands and say, “I don’t know what’s wrong with my adult son/daughter, he/she still lives at home and doesn’t pay rent” may as well be saying, “I need to be needed, so I’ll allow myself to be used by my grown child”.

I’m certainly not talking about battered women with children who have nowhere to go and remain with their abuser. That’s a completely different issue. I’m talking about the honeymooners Dr. Phil has on “Man Camp”. Childless women who’ve been married less than a year and pour out their hearts to Dr. Phil on national television claiming they love their new spouse, want him to change and don’t really want to leave him. So don’t leave him. Go home and sit around feeling sorry for yourself because I, for one, don’t feel sorry for you. You’re not going to change anyone but yourself. Whenever Dr. Phil sits and comforts one of these sobbing women I want to slap the two of them.

One recent episode centered around an over-bearing husband and “timid” wife. This woman knew her relationship was volitale, but she claimed she still wanted to make it work. So what she does she do? She has several affairs with several men. Now, call me crazy, but if I wanted my husband to respect me and treat me better I’m pretty sure my solution wouldn’t be to screw around. But Dr. Phil just blasted the husband and had camera crews chasing the two of them in cabs, on streets and at the airport. I kept waiting for him to turn to this woman and tell her there are more productive ways to repair a relationship you wish to salvage. But no, he simply made phone call after phone call to the husband telling him how badly he was behaving. Dr. Phil…wake up! As you’re so fond of saying, “You cannot change what you don’t acknowledge”. These people don’t want to be fixed. They just want to complain.

Mother and Daughter

My daughter is 19 and entering her second year at college. She still calls me Mommy regardless of who’s around and she always gives me a “mwaaa” before she hangs up the phone or leaves the house. Yesterday was my birthday. First thing in the morning, my daughter greeted me with “happy birthday” and a kiss. Later she took me out to eat and surprised me with a trip to a little boutique and bought me a Vera Bradley purse. I couldn’t ask for a more affectionate and sweet little girl.

Mothers and daughters have a special bond. Sure there are times of conflict and we don’t always see eye to eye. The mother/daughter relationship will remain strong throughout life if, like most any other relationship, it continues to be nurtured. Things like creating new traditions, talking to each other, showing appreciation, learning new things together, etc. are all ways to strengthen the bond. My daughter and I always make Christmas cookies together. That’s become a mother/daugher tradition for us. We’re able to discuss just about any subject or issue. Most recently we’ve been heading outdoors with our cameras to take photos. Even with our hectic schedules we still find the time to call each other and catch up on events.

Mother/daughter relationships are probably the most important, powerful and influential bonds in a woman’s life. My relationship with my daughter wasn’t and still isn’t always conflict-free. We’ve hit some bumpy roads along the way. That’s part of becoming an adult, testing limits and deciding who you are. Even relationships filled with conflict can be learning experiences. Rocky mother/daughter relationships can still lead to growth and insight and ultimately a closer bond.

**This post and all others (including new posts not published here) are now on my new blogging site: http://www.mylovesleftovers.com. Thanks for checking it out!

Wicca and The Devine Powers of The God and Goddess.

Wiccans recognize the two equal but opposite divine powers of the Goddess and the God. We have more of a partnership with the God and Goddess and do not worship them as in the Christian religion. It is also common to commune with past deities, relating to perhaps Athena, Isis, Venus, Apollo, Adonis, Pan, Zues, just to name a few.

Because of the recognition of the female aspect of the Diety, Wicca is an extremely appealing religion to women. Some covens do not even invoke the God in their rituals. However, this type of “Goddess only” religion is unbalanced just as a “God only” religion is. Wicca recognizes the equality of both men and women, unlike Chrisitanity, which historically reserves positions of authority for men only. Christianity also holds men higher in society and in the family structure. A very unappealing concept for enlightened women. Wiccans recognize sexual behavior as a gift from the Goddess where as Christians view sexual behavior in a negative and restrictive way. Many Christians still believe that sex is solely for the purpose of procreation and not an act to enjoy and be comfortable with. Devout Catholics are forbidden to practice forms of birth control because of this belief.

Conservative Christians consider any form of sexual behavior that is not between opposite gender couples who are married to be an abomination of god. In other words, they preach that sex between two women or two men is sinful and immoral. Wiccans, on the other hand, accept all sexual orientations as moral and natural. Wicca as a religious practice is a much more free-thinking religion than most other religions. It is becoming one of the fastest growing religions in the country, but unfortunately, there is still so much ignorance and misinterpretation surrounding Wicca. Despite all the misinformation we are content to have our beliefs and enjoy the empowerment of it.   

It’s All Fun and Games ‘Til Someone Falls in Love.

Okay, so you’ve met someone. You’re pretty sure it’ll never develope into a “real relationship”, but you still end up having sex. It turns out to be the best sex you’ve ever had. Do you stick around waiting to see if love will blossom or do you trash that idea decide to remain friends with benefits”?

Being single and being responsibly sexually active today is certainly acceptable and common. Most couples don’t save themselves for marriage anymore. This is the 21st century afterall. Who’s to say that if you decide to wait until after marriage your sex life won’t turn out to be a disaster? Some people are just not sexually compatible. In addition, many people have no desire to be married in the first place. Does that mean they should be celibate for the rest of their lives? Of course not. Humans are sexual beings with hormones, desires and the need to connect. So where does that leave those of us who want a good sex life, but do not wish to be in a long-term, monogamous relationship? This is where the (for lack of a better term) friends with benefits deal comes in.

Friends with benefits is nothing new. It’s usually a term used by young people, but certainly not a situation reserved only for the young. The premise being that two parties mutually (often, but not always) decide they want the sex and not the strings. They don’t want to be labeled as the “boyfriend” or the “girlfriend”. But is this an arrangement that is fair to both parties or even easily maintained? When does the jealousy factor kick in? What if one party gets more serious than the other? Despite all the agreements made at the beginning of the sex without strings deal, it often results in hurt feelings and anger.

More often than not it’s the female who ends up getting hurt. Let’s face it, women view sex, love and romance in a much different way than men do. Women are usually more emotional. Men usually aren’t nearly as emotional or demonstrative. They also have the uncanny ability to seperate sex from love. Ladies: how often are you hurt over something your man has done and the last thing you want to do is have sex until the issue is resolved? Men: how often is your mate upset with you, but you still fully expect her to jump into the sack?

I honestly don’t think friends with benefits relationships can work. Some people are just meant to remain friends. I fully believe that two members of the opposite sex can have a platonic relationship. Crossing the line over to a sexual relationship just introduces a whole new set of issues and feelings. When one party moves onto a more serious relationship the other party is left alone and hurt.