Don’t Make Me Wear That Santa Hat!

I work for a major, world-wide retailer. I won’t mention any names, but it begins with a ‘W’. Now that the Christmas holidays are once again upon us I have to make a rather important decision. To wear a Santa hat or not to wear it. Why would I possibly want to make a moronic spectacle of myself and wear a dopey red hat with a pom-pom? The answer is I wouldn’t. However, it has become a “requirement” that all cashiers wear a Santa hat for the holidays. I suppose it’s meant to get customers in the Christmas spirit, thus fooling them into spending more money. But that’s just my theory.

First off, I’m not a Christian. Why would I want to wear anything that represents a Christian holiday? Does anyone expect cashiers to wear Yarmulkes during Passover? Has Christmas become so commercialized that the only symbol left is a stupid red fuzzy pair of pajamas with matching hat?

Last year I refused to wear the hat, even after being told by a manager it was “mandatory”. I told her I don’t celebrate the traditional Christmas holidays and she left me alone. Darn it, and I had a whole speech ready to recite. But, they actually sent some cashiers home for refusing to wear them. One girl was a Jehovah’s Witness. I’m pretty sure that’s coming pretty darn close to infringing on one’s right to express one’s own religious beliefs.

So, I must stick to my beliefs. I will once again refuse to wear the dreaded Santa hat. I’ll use my speech if I have to, which is basically that I don’t appreciate having my religious beliefs trampled on and I suggest that it end right there. Perhaps they’ll fire me and I can sue, make lots of money, write a book, Oprah will add me to her book list and then invite me on her show to discuss the Santa hat story.