Why Do Men Cheat?

It happens in the workplace. It happens in residential communities. Hell, it even happens among church-goers. Cheating. Infidelity. Screwing around. What ever you want to call it, it hurts and damages relationships. Although women are catching up to this male-oriented phenomenom, men still dominate the world of cheaters. Cheating isn’t about sex, it’s about little boys who’ve never grown up and need to know they’re still desirable and wanted by females (and sometimes other males). It’s about feeding the male ego. Cheating is about boundaries or the lack of them. Many people are tempted. Afterall we’re only human and humans are sexual beings. Human beings may not even been designed for monogamy. A true sense of love and devotion should be the main reasons not to cheat. 

Politicians have a long history of being philandering husbands and ever-suffering wives cope differently in response. Hillary recently said, when referring to her husband’s indiscretions and infidelty, that it was only through her devout faith was she able to get through the painful ordeal of Billy boy cheating with Monica. She would have been better off praying to god that little Billy got a raging STD and lost the use of his manhood. What an inspiring, modern woman Hillary is.  

As long as men and women coexist in the workplace and elsewhere infidelity will contine to be the wedge that rips marriages apart. Marriage counselors are the only ones that benefit from cheating. Studies show that once a cheater always a cheater. Forgiving an adulterous affair will more than likely lead to repeat offenses. Men are good at pleading and promising and they know if they plead and promise long enough they’ll be forgiven. If there are no consequenses then the cheating will continue.

Getting Some Head, Umm Ahead, At Work…

 Yes, the title is crass and inflamatory, but I wanted to make an impacting statement. THE most famous workplace “romance” is, of course, Bill and Monica. Bill was obviously confused as to what constituted sex (perhaps he had never experienced oral sex with Hillary and had no idea it existed), but the fact remains the relationship not only began at work, but took place at work as well. Maybe Bill can auction off the famous blue dress and donate it to Hillary’s presidential campaign, but that’s a whole other story.

The workplace has become a meeting place and a sort of singles club for men and women. Afterall, we spend over one third of our time at our jobs and we develop strong connections with our co-workers. As long as it’s mutually agreeable there’s basically no problem. Even if the relationship ends, as long as the two parties are capable of behaving like adults, there is usually no conflict spilling over into job performance. Issues come in when one party isn’t interested and the other party is persistent and harassing. This could become a sexual harassment issue and companies need to be very careful when it comes to this.

When I worked at a major retail company I was bothered constantly by another employee. Despite the fact that I told this person I wasn’t interested, he continued to insist I go out with him and managed to be wherever I was at any given time. I found myself on edge and spending more time dodging this guy than completing my work properly. It finally got to the point that I had to say something to my supervisor on an informal basis. I didn’t wish to file a formal complaint, as the other employee had never been lude or sexually explicit. He was merely a pest. He was spoken to by his manager and he finally left me alone. On the other hand, this very same employer has a policy stating that there is to be no dating between employees and their superiors, for obvious reasons. However, most of us knew there were several cases of managers and employees dating and sleeping together and the company was willing to look the other way.

Studies show that over 40% of all employees between the ages of 25 and 40 have engaged in at least one workplace romance. At one point, many employers had a “no dating” rule for their employees, but found this was hard to enforce, nor was it legal. Romance at work can be disruptive to work and job productivity. When dating employees spend more time flirting at the proverbial watercooler than getting actual work done it can affect employee moral. It’s also likely that an office affair will stir up gossip and this also interferes with job performance.

Then we have the extramarital affairs. How many of us has seen this scenerio play out? Extramarital affairs are a disaster and a one way road to nowhere to begin with, but add to the fact that the affair is going on in the workplace brings up a whole new set of problems.

Companies almost always have a sexual harassment policy in affect, but often neglect to go over it with their employees. Handing out a booklet along with a hundred other pamphlets and piles of paper stuffed into file folders is not enough. Periodic trainings either in groups or on computers is necessary to keep employees informed as to what constitutes sexual harassment and what behaviors are expected of them at work. In addition, as office romance increases, companies should, if they don’t already, have policies for dating and romance. Then again maybe we should all do what a former co-worker used to say, “Don’t fish in the company pond.”

Tell The Church To Stay Out Of Your Vagina.

A Catholic friend of mine, Sarah was upset.  She and her husband, Shawn had been trying to get pregnant for 5 years with no success. I suggested they could look into artificial insemination. It’s affordable enough for most couples, most times costing less than $1,000, sometimes more, depending on how many times the procedure is required before it’s successful. Sarah looked at me and simply said the idea was out of the question. She said the church forbids it because it’s believed to be a sin. She says Shawn will not go against the church under any circumstance, even if it means being childless. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. First of all, not being a Catholic, I didn’t know the church considered artificial insemination a sin. And second of all, I couldn’t believe that any modern thinking person would accept this and forego the chance to become a parent. I had seen the baby room Sarah and Shawn had kept decorated and waiting for their anticipated arrival and I knew it was heartbreaking for Sarah to see it remain empty.

So what’s the church’s reasoning here? I knew the church forbade artificial contraception and only accepted the rhythm method as a permitted method. But why artificial insemination? Isn’t done with the biological father’s sperm and the biological mother’s eggs? We’re not talking nameless, faceless donors here. After some research, I discovered the church’s line of thinking. According to Catholic law, artificial insemination is forbidden “because it lacks the sexual relationship called for by the moral order, namely the relationship that which realizes ‘the full sense of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love.” Apparently, this is all according to something called the “Donum Vitae or The Respect for Human Life”. I’m not Catholic and by no means understand any of this, nor do I want or need to. But suffice it to say it’s a very long doctrine dictating the church’s views on conception. I wondered if Shawn was just following this blindly without even knowing or understanding why. This, in my opinion, is common among religious people who just take in and spit out whatever their church says instead of thinking for themselves.

I talked to Sarah and asked what she thought about Shawn’s opinion on the church’s stance. Was he so determined not to go against the church that he was okay with never having a child? Sarah said she wanted to have the procedure, but didn’t want to go against Shawn or the church. I thought about telling Sarah she should tell the Catholic church to stay out of her vagina and let her do whatever it took to get pregnant, but her face told me she was resigned to the fact that she most likely would never get pregnant.

Considering the fact that there are over 1 billion Catholics worldwide, that’s an awful lot of people the church is controlling. And taking into account that 1 in every 6 couples in the U.S. is infertile, perhaps it’s about time the Catholic church moved into the 21st centrury. For someone like me, who doesn’t subscribe to any organized religion, it is incredibly difficult to comprehend how a religious institution can make such personal decisions for its religious followers.

***This post and all others (including posts not published here) can be read on my new blogging site: http://www.mylovesleftovers.com. Thanks for checking it out!

Dear Ex…

This is a recycled post from my MySpace Blog: 

http://myspace.com/wiccanvirgo24 

Dear Ex,

  You’re a coward who couldn’t be honest  enough with me to tell me it was over and you had a new girlfriend. You still came over to have sex with me until you knew it was going to work out between the 2 of you and then you dropped me like a piece of shit stuck to the bottom of your shoe. At first I fantasized about cutting off your balls and feeding them to my dogs, but then I remembered you didn’t have any balls. It’s just as well because I wouldn’t want to poison my poor dogs. Then I thought about trashing your precious car – slicing your tires, scratching the paint, etc. but realized how childish (and somewhat psycho) this was. Plus, I didn’t want to go to jail because I’m pretty sure you’d know it was me. Unfortunately, the two of you share your little love nest in a dive apartment that happens to be right on my route to work, so I’m forced to see it every single day. However, this also provides me the opportunity to wish you dead ever time I go by. Maybe my evil spell will work one day. Okay, at least I’m not bitter.

  Maybe if you had given me the opportunity to have my say by having the courtesy of telling me about your new relationship yourself instead of hearing it from your Mother, I’d feel some closure. I think that’s what’s most difficult. I need closure. I need to tell you how you “ended” it was shitty and I deserved more than that after 4 fucking years. I know I need to get passed all this and I’m certainly doing much better. I really do know that you were an asshole from the start and I’m much better than you.  Oh, and by the way, you suck and I hope you get a painful STD and your dick falls off. Well, at least I’m not bitter

Signed,

Better Than You

Wicca and The Devine Powers of The God and Goddess.

Wiccans recognize the two equal but opposite divine powers of the Goddess and the God. We have more of a partnership with the God and Goddess and do not worship them as in the Christian religion. It is also common to commune with past deities, relating to perhaps Athena, Isis, Venus, Apollo, Adonis, Pan, Zues, just to name a few.

Because of the recognition of the female aspect of the Diety, Wicca is an extremely appealing religion to women. Some covens do not even invoke the God in their rituals. However, this type of “Goddess only” religion is unbalanced just as a “God only” religion is. Wicca recognizes the equality of both men and women, unlike Chrisitanity, which historically reserves positions of authority for men only. Christianity also holds men higher in society and in the family structure. A very unappealing concept for enlightened women. Wiccans recognize sexual behavior as a gift from the Goddess where as Christians view sexual behavior in a negative and restrictive way. Many Christians still believe that sex is solely for the purpose of procreation and not an act to enjoy and be comfortable with. Devout Catholics are forbidden to practice forms of birth control because of this belief.

Conservative Christians consider any form of sexual behavior that is not between opposite gender couples who are married to be an abomination of god. In other words, they preach that sex between two women or two men is sinful and immoral. Wiccans, on the other hand, accept all sexual orientations as moral and natural. Wicca as a religious practice is a much more free-thinking religion than most other religions. It is becoming one of the fastest growing religions in the country, but unfortunately, there is still so much ignorance and misinterpretation surrounding Wicca. Despite all the misinformation we are content to have our beliefs and enjoy the empowerment of it.   

It’s All Fun and Games ‘Til Someone Falls in Love.

Okay, so you’ve met someone. You’re pretty sure it’ll never develope into a “real relationship”, but you still end up having sex. It turns out to be the best sex you’ve ever had. Do you stick around waiting to see if love will blossom or do you trash that idea decide to remain friends with benefits”?

Being single and being responsibly sexually active today is certainly acceptable and common. Most couples don’t save themselves for marriage anymore. This is the 21st century afterall. Who’s to say that if you decide to wait until after marriage your sex life won’t turn out to be a disaster? Some people are just not sexually compatible. In addition, many people have no desire to be married in the first place. Does that mean they should be celibate for the rest of their lives? Of course not. Humans are sexual beings with hormones, desires and the need to connect. So where does that leave those of us who want a good sex life, but do not wish to be in a long-term, monogamous relationship? This is where the (for lack of a better term) friends with benefits deal comes in.

Friends with benefits is nothing new. It’s usually a term used by young people, but certainly not a situation reserved only for the young. The premise being that two parties mutually (often, but not always) decide they want the sex and not the strings. They don’t want to be labeled as the “boyfriend” or the “girlfriend”. But is this an arrangement that is fair to both parties or even easily maintained? When does the jealousy factor kick in? What if one party gets more serious than the other? Despite all the agreements made at the beginning of the sex without strings deal, it often results in hurt feelings and anger.

More often than not it’s the female who ends up getting hurt. Let’s face it, women view sex, love and romance in a much different way than men do. Women are usually more emotional. Men usually aren’t nearly as emotional or demonstrative. They also have the uncanny ability to seperate sex from love. Ladies: how often are you hurt over something your man has done and the last thing you want to do is have sex until the issue is resolved? Men: how often is your mate upset with you, but you still fully expect her to jump into the sack?

I honestly don’t think friends with benefits relationships can work. Some people are just meant to remain friends. I fully believe that two members of the opposite sex can have a platonic relationship. Crossing the line over to a sexual relationship just introduces a whole new set of issues and feelings. When one party moves onto a more serious relationship the other party is left alone and hurt.