My ex was an idiot. What am I saying…he’s still an idiot. A trucker by trade, he thought he was a connoisseur of fine dining. Namely every truck stop between NY and LA. I made it a point not to go out to eat with him because he was so rude to the waitstaff. Being a waiter or waitress is a damn hard job and they don’t need anymore grief than they already have. But no, Mr. Know-It-All can never be satisfied. I guess that’s why he screwed around, but that’s another story. One particular time my ex and the kids and I were out school shopping for the day and there was no way around it. I was stuck dining out with the moron. We went to one of those diners in the mall and took our seats. We placed our orders and waited.
The waitress brought our meals and the ex looks at his burger and demands that she take it back to the kitchen. He decided the burger was underdone and he couldn’t eat it. Both the waitress and I looked at the burger and we exchanged looks. The burger looked well-done to me and obviously to her as well. She did as she was told and brought it back to the kitchen. She came back shortly with a new burger. As soon as she put it down he made a disgusted face and demanded she take it back again. This time the bun was soggy. By then both the waitress and I both wanted to dump the plate over his head, but being the ever obedient servant she brought it back once more.
I looked at his stupid smug face and said, “you know you’re gonna get the Special Sauce now don’t you?” He looked at me with a clueless face so I was forced to elaborate. “Don’t you know that cooks get pissed if you send the food back?” “Haven’t you seen Dateline or 20/20?” Suddenly the idea dawned on him. Obviously, the connoisseur of fine dining had never thought of this. When the waitress came back with his food he thanked her, pushed his plate to the side and never said another word. I guess he was wondering how much bodily fluids he had unknowingly consumed over the years.